My Bed Suggestions for Sex
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Posted:Aug 17, 2017 7:06 pm
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2018 7:42 pm
8974 Views
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For the record, all I want in a bed is:
kingsize, to allow for extra spreadeagling
a mattress that lets me work whatever magic I can muster on a good day
below-bed storage so I can have pull-out containers for all of my sex toys/kink equipment
a slatted headboard for being restrained to
a slatted footboard that is higher than the mattress that I can bend over comfortably with my thighs strapped open
ideally a free test-drive with a partner of my choice, during which we can put it through its paces to ascertain sturdiness and squeakiness as well as bangability
The first few bullet points almost certainly exist in a bed that’s out there somewhere, unfortunately right now actually stumping up the cash for one feels like too much of a gamble. So come on, furniture retailers, it is time to solve this problem.
It is time for late-night opening of bed shops. No . No shaming. No shoes. We all get to go in and test out the beds however we want, checking their compatibility with our favourite sex positions, their squeakiness, and their all-round suitability. All we need is one furniture shop to understand the value of this, and the world will be a better place. A sexier place. A less squeaky place. And most importantly a place where I get to mimic sex positions without getting chucked out of Furniture Village.
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