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Another vote for the Don 10/14/2016
Monica Lowinski is voting for Trump. She said the last Clinton
in office left a bad taste in her mouth.
3 Comments, 49 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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Spanish Magician 10/14/2016
A Spanish magician was ending his show and said, "On
the count of three I will disappear. Uno, dos -" then
*poof!* he disappeared without a tres.
3 Comments, 84 Views,
15 Votes
,3.44 Score
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Presidentsn Penis 10/12/2016
The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking
together about how a penis is called in their language.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman,
because it stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot,
because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on
the back side.
The ...
1 Comments, 132 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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kings n happiness 10/12/2016
Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great
kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's
lives?"
Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
1 Comments, 45 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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speech problem 10/12/2016
Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at
the local bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer
me honestly?" "Yeah, sure thing, " replied his friend, "fire
away." "Well, " said the first guy, "why do you
think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment,
" replied the second guy. ...
3 Comments, 132 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
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permanent erection 10/12/2016
A man walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was
the pharmacist and as she and her also single sister owned
the store, there were no males employed there. The woman pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional
and whatever it was that he needed to discuss. The man agreed
and began by saying, "This is tough for me ...
2 Comments, 131 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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Japanese Pussy Hair 10/12/2016
Q: Did you hear that Japanese girls only have hair on one
side of their pussy? A: Yeah, on the outSIDE 
2 Comments, 27 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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a few good oneliners 10/11/2016
Why did God create orgasms? So women can moan even when they're happy.
Do you know why women fake orgasms? Because men fake foreplay.
What do girls and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care.
Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.
1 Comments, 36 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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a few good oneliners 10/11/2016
Why did God create orgasms? So women can moan even when they're happy.
Do you know why women fake orgasms? Because men fake foreplay.
What do girls and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care.
Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.
1 Comments, 12 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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a little funny for the day 10/11/2016
Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm
were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting
weights. One day, all the other sperms asked him, "Why
don't you just swim around like us?" Bob replied,
with a smirk, "Well, when the time comes, I'm
gonna be the first one there." The others told him
it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day
finally came when ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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Is this joke funny? 10/8/2016
A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,
"I want to open a fuckin' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what
did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin'
checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind
of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager
and told ...
1 Comments, 130 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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the lost opportunity 10/5/2016
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm
129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let
his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,
‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ ...
1 Comments, 139 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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newly married couple humour 10/5/2016
The wife tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin
and I don’t know anything about Love. Can you explain
it to me first?”
“OK, Sweetheart, putting it simply, we will call your
private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing
‘the prisoner’.
So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time. ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
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golf joke 10/3/2016
Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at
the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay
off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned
it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're
father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"
the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs."
the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Joke 10/2/2016
"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork???!!!"
1 Comments, 36 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Squirll problems at places of worship 9/29/2016
There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town:
a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church,
a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and
the synagogue had a problem with squirrels.
The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what
to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration
they determined the squirrels were predestined ...
1 Comments, 98 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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lipstick on his shorts 9/29/2016
Last week I was sitting at the bar of our local VFW , there
was a lady sitting across the other side of the bar from me
with dark red lipstick, she chewed gum and drank her beer
same time. There happened to be an elderly man sitting beside
me, he was a funny ole guy always making fun of someone. He
said real loud to the lipstick lady, Baby I'd love for
you to put a lipstick ring around my ...
0 Comments, 129 Views,
8 Votes
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Autopsy professor 9/26/2016
An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture
to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed
the class. 'There are two things you need to make a career
in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.'
Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's
anus and licked it. 'Now you must do the same, '
he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, ...
3 Comments, 97 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Tale of the Flying Dildo 9/25/2016
I just posted this in the advice column, I figured I'd
repost it here where it belongs.
Tale of the Flying Dildo.
Once upon a time: A horny young lady on a budget was in a Sex
Shop searching for a toy. The salesperson showed her a deeply
discounted yet powerful and vigorous dildo, it was priced
very low. Yet this model worked on voice command. It had
the ability to come out of ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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....good advice... 9/23/2016
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had
been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her
beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law
was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally
was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was
near me, and I always got more than a nice view. ...
2 Comments, 129 Views,
13 Votes
,6.00 Score
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...at the pool... 9/22/2016
two guys, a white one and a black guy sitting naked at the
edge of a pool and let their "best friends" hang
in the water while sunbathing...after a while the white
one says: " The water has 82 F""...silence...shortly
thereafter the black dude says :" and the pool is 20
inches deep..." lmao...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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My Granddaughter 9/21/2016
I’m 65 years old. My wife died of cancer three years ago.
I went into a deep depression. Nothing, and nobody, could
get me out of it. It lasted two years. One day I woke up and
said this is BS. I got up and showered and shaved. I got dressed
in good clothes for the first time in two years and left the
house.
I wandered around town looking at all the changes of the
last two years. ...
1 Comments, 292 Views,
15 Votes
,4.36 Score
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I won the lottery .... 9/20/2016
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts:
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery, I won the
lottery!"
The wife says: "Honey, I don't understand. Slow
down, I did not hear you clearly"
He says: " I won the lottery, I won the lottery...start
packing!"
The wife says: "Wow! That's great! Should I pack
for the ocean, or should I pack for the snow?" ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
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Free Meat 9/20/2016
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young
woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop
and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and
asked what was he going to do about it? Finally, he offered
to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one
day the , who had been ...
1 Comments, 108 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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At the Bar 9/18/2016
“Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in,
staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle,
shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the
drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same
guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was ...
3 Comments, 98 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
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inches!! 9/18/2016
you know the look!, yea..." the look", I am referring
to the look ok your face whilst having sex with someone for
the first time and you hear the moan and groans , yes baby!
yes!! baby...fuck me harder!!, , deeper, deeper baby, !!!
then you look down .......and you realise that you are all
out of" INCHES"!!!
2 Comments, 66 Views,
13 Votes
,3.48 Score
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Sneak Home 9/17/2016
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one
turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't
know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've
been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get
to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the
stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed ...
2 Comments, 90 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
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Life is like a box of choclates!! 9/17/2016
Forrest Gump once said "Life is like a box of choclates,
you never know what your gonna get"...BOLLOCKS -
Life's like Oral SEX, One slip of the tongue your in
the Shit..
1 Comments, 22 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Family Dinner Conversation! 9/16/2016
A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father,
“Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father,
surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through
three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons,
round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still
nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
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Watch 9/15/2016
I have two sexy lesbian close friends and for my birthday
they got me a Rolex. Its great at telling the time but I don't think they
understood what I meant when I said "I wanted to watch!"
1 Comments, 32 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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